The Beholders by Hester Musson

Author:Hester Musson [Musson, Hester]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: HarperCollins Publishers
Published: 2023-11-20T17:00:00+00:00

MAY

Thursday, 2nd May

Nothing from the missus. I keep to my room, only going out for meals and newspapers, and once to send my address to the vicarage. The other boarders are all young women, mostly maids who don’t want to live in, one with clerical work who looks so young she reminds me of Lily. Helen Dubois is a quiet girl, keeps to her room, likes to eat alone. Not very interesting.

In the mornings, I scour the papers for news of Mr Garston, for my own name as someone wanted. London is busy with other outrages – bank robberies, dead babies pulled from the Thames, the brink of war. It is an effort to stop myself from walking to Gloucester Square, to see if they have arrived, if only for a glimpse of her, to reassure myself all is well. I try to sew or write, hoping to recapture the stitch-by-stitch, word-by-word ordering of my mind. If I sit by the window there is enough light for most of the day, but I often find myself staring into the dingy yard, my mind growing thick with fears. It mithers me that she is so trusting of Laurence when she knows he is controlled by the master. What if she lets something slip? I write the letter to Francis’s parents over and over, begging them to remove him from the house – everything I have seen and know about the master goes into it. The more I remember, the more worried I am for the missus. At the same time my words seem unbelievable. I worry Francis’s parents will think me a liar, a wicked servant with a grudge, trying to cause trouble. I worry it won’t be enough.

Friday, 3rd May

I cannot do nothing; the waiting is torture. Instead of walking to Gloucester Square, I wrote to the Girls Friendly Society, asking about Lily. I don’t know which charitable organisation Clockface hauled her out of, but there can’t be that many for girls. Then I walked to all the servants’ registry offices I could find, especially the lower sort. I visited four in the hope that if she hasn’t returned to the charity place, she is at least trying to find domestic work. The master’s words haunt me – that she will be selling herself on the street by now.

Saturday, 4th May

Four more registry offices. Nothing.

Monday, 6th May

The Girls Friendly Society replied to say they don’t know her, but to try the association that befriends young servants. I walked to the address they gave, and from there was redirected to a different office. The woman in charge seemed very surprised that I’d come looking. She blinked a lot and asked me several times who I was. My heart leapt. Lily had indeed come back the day she left Finton Hall, but then vanished again after only one night. None of the other girls knew where she had gone, or so they said. The woman’s expression told me she had her own grim ideas but was keeping them to herself.

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